You Love Them, But It’s Not Working… Here’s What That Really Means
What happens when you love someone deeply, but the relationship still feels misaligned?
You can deeply love someone, they can be a kind, good-hearted person… and still not be your person.
It’s gut-wrenching.
We know how to leave when someone lies or cheats or treats us badly. But what about when there’s no big betrayal?
What about when the person is wonderful in so many ways, but something just feels... off?
Mel Robbins said it best:
“Being with someone that you love, who's a good person, and knowing they're not your person… having the courage to really see that… it's one of the hardest things in the world.”
And it really is. Because there’s no villain. No obvious reason to walk away. Just this quiet, persistent feeling that something doesn’t quite fit.
It Starts With Acceptance
To know if someone is right for you, you have to look clearly. You have to look at the person in front of you, not who they could be someday, not who you hope they’ll become, but who they are right now… and ask yourself if you can fully accept them.
Assume they are never going to change.
It can feel uncomfortable to hear, but it’s also freeing.
When you stop waiting for someone to change, you give yourself the chance to see things clearly.
Can you accept this person as they are and as they’re not?
Can you live with how they show up in the world… how they love, how they communicate, how they make decisions?
If the answer is no, that’s your clarity.
Love vs Compatibility
A lot of people stay because “we love each other.” And yes, love matters, but it doesn’t override everything.
Compatibility matters, too.
Mel points out something really powerful:
If being with this person means you have to let go of your values, your dreams, or your vision for your life, it’s not going to work. Because even if you try to make peace with it, resentment will eventually creep in.
It’s a slow erosion.
You might start biting your tongue more often. Or feeling low-key irritated for reasons you can’t explain.
You’ll notice yourself daydreaming about a different version of your life… one where you didn’t have to twist or shrink to make things work.
That’s not compatibility. That’s compromise… and not the healthy kind.
The Bitching Litmus Test
One of the most eye-opening relationship checks Mel offers is surprisingly simple… and incredibly telling.… Can you stop complaining about it?
That thing you keep venting about to your friends... the same argument you have over and over in your head... the conversation you replay on your drives or while doing dishes… can you let it go?
If the answer is no, if you keep circling the same frustration and can’t seem to move past it, that’s a huge red flag.
It means you’re not at peace. It means part of you knows something isn’t working.
You might love them. You might even like a lot of your relationship. But if your inner voice is constantly protesting, it’s worth listening to.
When Love Isn’t Enough
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but love alone isn’t always enough.
You need aligned values. A shared rhythm. A sense that you can both keep growing without leaving each other behind.
Sometimes, you can have electric chemistry and still feel disconnected.
You can adore someone’s heart but know that your lives are moving in different directions.
And that doesn’t mean the relationship was a mistake.
It means it served its purpose. It helped you learn. It gave you moments of joy and connection.
And now it may be time to let go.
It Takes Real Courage to Walk Away
Letting go of a good person? That takes strength. That takes radical honesty.
It’s not the easy way out… it’s the brave way forward.
People might not understand. They might say, “But they’re so great!” And yeah, maybe they are. But that doesn’t mean they’re your match.
Only you know what it costs you to stay.
Only you know how much of yourself you’ve been setting aside to keep the peace, to keep trying, to keep hoping it will feel different.
When you reach a point where you realize you can’t keep bending, shrinking, or sacrificing, you’re not being selfish.
You’re finally being honest.
Choosing to Let Go with Love
It’s okay to love someone and still choose yourself.
It’s okay to be grateful for the good parts and still admit it’s not enough.
And it’s more than okay… it’s powerful… to walk away with love in your heart, not anger.
To say, “You’re a wonderful person. You’re just not my person.”
Need Help Figuring Out What’s Next?
If you’re sitting in that in-between space… not sure whether to stay, afraid to leave, questioning what’s “enough”... I see you. And I can help.
I work with individuals and couples who are trying to sort through those quiet truths that are hard to say out loud.
Together, we can explore what compatibility means for you, what your values and vision really are, and what it looks like to either reconnect with clarity or move forward with peace.
You don’t have to figure it out alone.
